TOUGH few months
I wrote this a couple of months ago. Now I am moving on.
It is time for me to seek a path I haven't travelled before. I have become so very disillusioned with my creative work, my teaching and my commissioned works that I am truly unsure as to what my next steps will or should be.
Over the past few years I have been slowly slipping into a mindset where my confidence level in both my work and my personal life has just hovered above zero. These past few months have been the toughest yet and I have slipped way way beneath zero mark. I no longer have anything left in the tank to offer and yet I yearn to continue to "make things" with my hands and my heart.
My health is not in a good place, with two tears in my right shoulder rotator cuff and the accompanying pain is so incredibly great that there has not been one night where my sleep has not been drastically disturbed and I whimper like a dog with the pain. The doctors are trying to work out a pain management procedure but I feel they really "just don't get it!" I get this sort of "there there" attitude and "let's see if this works!".
Of course one thing is compounding the other, and the other, and so on.