Strange feeling ...


It is something I can't seem to shake off, the feeling of guilt. What is it that makes me feel guilty. I don't even know what it is I am guilty of? I have always had this guilt complex since I was a youngster. Upbringing in a strict Catholic family? You are all guilty even if you aren't. I am always afraid even though I truly have "nothing" to be afraid of.

Just recently, I felt guilty in having to let a beginner student go because I needed, no, wanted my Tuesday mornings back, or so I said. teaching one-on-one is difficult and even though I would sometimes work on my own stuff while they were labouring away ... I'd feel guilty about that even.

Now I feel guilty I have not worked hard enough to have all my film clips ready ... when I said I would. Am I lazy? What do I really want to do in life? I feel that dwelling on such questions are a waste of time, just get in and do something good, something worthwhile. Something, anything I won't feel guilty about. Oh dear  ... whatever it is "it's bigger than just me" and what does that mean exactly?

I'm stumped. I think I need a holiday but there is nowhere to go to. I feel guilty about even writing this post. Back to work.


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